Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
