Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
