i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
