were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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