Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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