YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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