you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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