Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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