how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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