nutella sex= disaster
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
