dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
