Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
