Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
