my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
