I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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