I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
