why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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