You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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