remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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