I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
