when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
