Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
