Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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