I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
