I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
