At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
