Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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