If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I could fuck to npr.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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