Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
