I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
