Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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