You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
