I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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