You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
