wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
