Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
