i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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