she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
