I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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