That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
