is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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