If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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