i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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