there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
