His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
