There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
