I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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