You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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