Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
