been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
